I imagine we can all think of someone we know who gives all of themselves often at their own expense – or perhaps that someone is you. Or you admire that individual who has an amazing gift of giving, while achieving balance and well-being. Being generous can lead us to a life of isolation and loneliness, or if used properly can open ourselves up to endless possibilities.
When I think of being generous I think of no other person than my own mother. No matter who it was I encountered who had met her, they all said what a generous women she was. She was always the first to volunteer at a bake sale, organize the school Christmas concert, or take care of a sick friend. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, but I never knew it because she went without so that my brother and I would have what we needed. It doesn’t surprise me that she chose nursing as a career and became a much-loved instructor.
SADLY, IT WAS HER GENEROSITY THAT WAS HER DOWNFALL.
She was unable to be generous in a way that maintained her own self care. She struggled to share her vulnerabilities and open herself up to others’ desire to gift her with their kindness. At her memorial service, many told stories of how they loved her for her kindness and generosity to others. I loved her in spite of this.
Suze Orman says that true generosity must benefit both parties. No one can control their destiny if they don’t give to themselves as much as they give of themselves. To gift the world with one’s generosity, we must do it with conviction, attention, empathy and without adversely affecting oneself in the process. I
have seen friends be generous in a way that I would not, however their conviction and belief for the act far outweighs my perspective. When we give, but do not give our attention in the process, we dismiss and discount the receiver and this can lead to a lack of empathy.
When I am able to be empathetic towards another, I can see with greater clarity their needs and strive to meet them, rather than injecting what I would want. How many times I have seen parents showering their children with material gifts because of what they felt they didn’t have as children. If they could take but a moment and see the world through the child’s eyes, they would understand that what is truly craved is the generosity of their parents’ presence.
LASTLY, WHAT I CONSIDER TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF BEING GENEROUS IS RETAINING YOUR OWN WELL-BEING.
It does not often feel good to receive another person’s generosity when the giver suffers because of it. I know when I am being generous in a healthy way because I am alive with energy both before and after the giving. I can transfer that energy onto others and still not deplete myself. What I have come to understand is that there are times in my life where I need the generosity from others and times when I have the ability to give back.
Read more about taking care of your own Well-Being.
I don’t have to be everything to everybody all the time. In fact when I fall into this pattern, my gifts have less impact on those around me and I am left feeling empty. I know I am my mother’s daughter, and she taught me the value of generosity towards others. How I honour her existence in my life is through learning to give of myself but not at the expense of myself. When I can do this and also receive generosity from those around me, I am living the life I know she would have wanted for herself, and for me.
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